Category Archives: Conversations

On Winning the Lottery…

I made my Powerball picks, although I have no intention of actually buying a ticket. Adam said he’d run out and buy a ticket with my numbers, but didn’t have any cash, so I told him I had a few dollars in my wallet.

Me: I’ll even split my winnings with you.

Him: I think you have to. We’re married.

Me: Hm, well.

Him: If you win, would you dump me and find someone hotter than me?

Me: No. He probably wouldn’t do the dishes.

Him: You could pay someone to do the dishes.

Me: Oh yeah!

Him: You would not be very good at being a lottery winner.


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Why I Try Not to Talk to Strangers…

Awkward conversation with random 30-something looking guy on the office elevator…

Him: So, what do you do?
Me: I’m an attorney.
Him: Right on. (He seriously said that.) Where did you go to law school?
Me: Georgetown.
Him: Nice. Oh, so you just graduated?
Me: Uhhh, no. I graduated five years ago.**
Him: [blank stare]
Me: I guess I look young for my age… (exits elevator)

** I was wrong. I actually graduated six years ago. SIX YEARS! Holy cannoli!


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He Was Also Wearing Awesome Sunglasses…

Nick: So, last night I was at a bar having a beer
As one does in those places
And this cute young black couple comes up next to me to return the shuffleboard stuff
And this old drunk white guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, I wanna buy Will Smith there and his girl a drink!”
me: oh my god! you were next to will smith and jada pinkett? :P
Nick: I know!
So, we spent five minutes figuring out if he had ANY attributes similar to Will Smith
His girlfriend pointed out his big stick-out ears
me: was he from west philadelphia?
born and raised?
did he like to play basketball?
or getting up to no good?
does he enjoy the summertime?
and robots?
and the wild wild west?
and geoffrey?
Nick: I’m trying very hard to glare at you without laughing
me: was he getting jiggy wit it?
Nick: Dammit
There goes the glare
me: i think i’m done
Nick: Oh, come on!
“Did his parents understand him, or not?”
Did he wear black suits?
me: was he the only man left in the world?

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Forever Young…

Yesterday, Adam picked up a photo I have on the bookcase in my living/dining room and called to me while I was fixing my hair in the bathroom…
Adam: Who’s this?
Me: That’s Sarah. From San Diego. She gave that to me for my high school graduation.
Adam: [with disbelief] You were in high school here?
Me: Yeah, senior year. We were in Italy.
Adam: [looks at photo, looks at me, looks back at photo]
Me: What?
Adam: It’s just…
Me: I look exactly the same?
Adam: Yeah…
Me: Yeah, that’s why I say I look like I’m 17. Although, I’m 18 in that picture… by a month or so.
Adam: [picks up another photo of my family] When was this taken?
Me: Um, Christmas my first year of law school, so… four and a half years ago. 2002.
Adam: [looks at photo, looks at me, looks back at photo] Are you sure? You look like this now.
Me: No, I have bangs now. [and an extra 20 pounds] Besides, look at my brother. He’s little. [who was 15 years old and apparently about 5’3″ in that photo, and nearly 20 years old and 6′ now]
Adam: Oh yeah. [picks up another photo] And when was this one?
Me: Same day. We’re wearing all the same clothes.
Adam: Oh. Right.

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